Sunday, December 6

Milk Meltdown

Trinity and I had a complete meltdown last night. 
Yes, both of us. (but SHE totally started it!!!)

It's close to bedtime, we need milk.
The car is covered in snow from last nights storm. The wind is still blowing, it's bitter and cold. And for the love of all things warm and sunny, the stupid windows need brushing off .
This, my friends, I hate doing more than any other thing in this world ~ seriously. I will actually sit in my car and WAIT for the ice to melt, rather than forcing myself back out to spend the 2.5 seconds it takes to scrape ... but, I digress.

Before I go further, some background :  if you ever met my daughter you would notice one thing right away ~ SHE NEVER STOPS TALKING!!!! ~ ever! Has to verbalize EVERY SINGLE THOUGHT IN HER HEAD. She is amazingly sweet, smart, and funny; and I do love listening to her ideas and thoughts, but there are limits, like; while I'm showering, or taking a pee, or scraping windows in the bitter cold.

But alas, as soon as I got out of the car, she opens her door and starts asking me a question.  I'm already pissed off about the window thing, and the blowing snow, and a million other things about the day... this sends me over the edge.
And off she goes a rambling ...

Not right now. Close the door.
"MOMMY?. . .  MOMMY???  I really NEED to tell you something.  Can you go and ...."
It's gonna have to wait Trinity.  Close the car door.  I'll be right there.
"... get Sadie for me... she's all alone in my room."

I cant hear you right now, the wind is too loud. Close the door. It's gonna have to wait! (OMG, she seriously just asked me to go get her doll ...)
". . . but, MOMMY??? "
Cant hear you! Close the door.  ( not listening... la, la, la, la)
"(sharply now)MOMMY! .... Seriously, I really need her. She is all alone in my room. (insert whiny voice here) I can hear her crying for me. Listen, did you hear that?? That was her, it really, really was. She needs me.  Puh - LEEEZ can you just go and ...."
THEN CLOSE THE CAR DOOR!!! ( did I just say that 3 octaves higher than my natural voice??)

All I can hear now is muffled screams, and endless kicking. I know she is kicking because the car is shaking. At this point, I'm not sure what happened inside my brain, but my left eye started to twitch (always the left eye ~ weird) I don't know about the rest of you, but have you ever become INSTANTLY FURIOUS??

I got back in the car, and tried to hold on to what little control of my emotions I had left.  She was still screaming for Sadie. For a quick second I thought about going back in, getting the damn thing, lighting in on fire, and stuffing it in a snowbank  bringing her down just to stop the screaming. Instead, I did the unthinkable:
I told her ~ NO!  (Oh, imagine the horror )
That was it, just flat out  "NO".  Ususally, I give her an explanation, let her know I understand how she feels, but I couldn't do it this time.
Then it was my turn to freak out!! I demanded her to stop screaming (which was totally insane because I was screaming louder than her), or I was calling Santa as soon as we got home!!!

"Go ahead, do it.  Santa's dumb anyway.  You don't even know his number!!!! Besides, he'll just go to Daddy's house instead.  SO THERE"

At this point (and I'll spare you the details) I actually began to argue with a 5 year old as to whether or not I could get ahold of Santa. I don't know who sounded more stupid .
She screamed louder, she kicked, she whined, she threw out stuff like, "you're not my mommy anymore", "I hate milk, " I hate Santa, "I hate Christmas", "I'm going to go live with daddy" (can we drop you off now?) , "Baby Sadie doesn't like you anymore" ( mutual)  " I'm NEVER talking to you again" (that sounds kinda nice),
. . . and my personal favorite "you're STUPID"
Now, I've been called alot of things in my 40 some odd years, but that did it for me. I instantly cranked up the music to drown out her temper tantrum, and the voices in my head telling me to dispose of baby Sadie, drove to the store, got milk, and came home; all without saying a word.
She never stopped screaming and kicking the entire time!!
Then, I march her upstairs, point to her pjama's and say (freakishly slow)

"Put... them... on, now"
"Mommy? "
"I love you to the sun and the moon and back"
"I love you too. Put on your pyjama's/"
"Mommy? "
"Are you mad?"
No, I'm very disappointed in your behaviour. (Yes, I'm freakin mad. Of course I'm freakin' mad.  I don't ever remember being this freakin mad. In fact, there's a good chance I might never be THIS freakin mad again.)
"You look really mad."
I'm not.
"Then why are you talking so weird?"
We'll discuss it in the morning.
"Are you sure you're not mad?"
"Um..., Mommy???" 
(sigh) Yes??
" Well, if you're not mad anymore, can I have my milk and cookies now?"
and then she gave me this face

You're kidding right?


Christine said...

Haha! She isn't kidding:) Seriously, she won't start brooding about the arguments until she hits about 12...maybe 11 if your unlucky.

psst...can you hear Sadie? ROFL.

So, did she get the milk & cookies? Just wondering, because that face is adorable and if you won't give them to her, I will! :D

magda said...

OMFG!!!!! If I had your ph#, I would have called you midway through the post so you could hear me laughing. I would make you listen as I read it out loud while commenting and laughing every 2.2 seconds. The tears. My tears. BUT,First, I need to comment on the level of trust here. Wow. The fact that she was never scared of you is great. She was mad, she was frustrated, maybe even sad...but never scared....and you were pretty scary(you claim) That she could tell you she loves you unconditionally and ask if you were mad and then ask to be sure. And then want to have milk and cookies with you. In my head I was able to see her and all of the demonic behavior(the car shaking from the kicking), horns, spiked tail, cloven hooves, and like magic, you were able to see and capture who she really is in the moment when she calmed down. It is a beautiful picture. The story is hysterical. I want to comment on every detail of your inner and overt dialog. Maybe later.

The details of the constant talking and the effect it has on you....xoxoxxo

lighting sadie on fire, the unnaturally slow speaking...wonderful.
must go reread for a 3rd time in case i forgot to laugh at something or forgot to laugh long enough.

otin said...

"you're not my mommy anymore", "I hate milk, " I hate Santa, "I hate Christmas", "I'm going to go live with daddy" (can we drop you off now?) , "Baby Sadie doesn't like you anymore" ( mutual) " I'm NEVER talking to you again" (that sounds kinda nice),
. . . and my personal favorite "you're STUPID"


I know that it isn't really funny, but that is so friggin' cute to me!!

I remember calling my mother stupid(It was just last week, as a matter of fact!)

Careful driving in all that snow!

magda said...

ok. one more thing. this reminds me of the blog that brought me to you in the first place. it was one you posted on nancy's as one of your favorites , where you were stressed in some parking arcade and i think the last you mention was ""and then i updated my facebook status" because that was important". will you tell me the name of that post again, i need to send it to someone who is not a blogger. thanks again. you make my day(s)

Monkey's Momma said...

Toooo Funny! I have been there. Trust me. Except with boy. Everyone thinks that boys can't be drama queens, but they are sooo wrong.

You are a good mama!

Melissa said...

that face is priceless! especially in that moment.

My oldest doesn't have an internal voice either. He's getting better at it now, but for while he would actually go horse because he was talking all the time.

blueviolet said...

My daughter verbalizes everything going through her head too! It's crazy!

The constant talking seriously makes your head feel like it's going to explode, doesn't it?

Theta Mom said...

Is this what I have to look forward to?

SugarBritches said...


I love that I am not the only one who melts down simultaneously with my children.

EcoMeg said...

Oh my gosh! I am so sorry, but I am laughing so hard right now! I hope things are better today. :D

Amy said...

this is just like my house and my two year old..

Andrea (ace1028) said...

I'm so glad to hear I'm not the only one on Earth who has those (in parenthesis) thoughts!

kys said...

Oh, I have been there. I really try not to argue with my kids but sometimes they suck me right in. And I give in to their cuteness in the end, too.

mudmama said...

Posty, posty, posty! I LOVE IT! But I am sure you would have rather been toasty, toasty, toasty!! Ah, man--that is my issue with the otherwise beautiful snow is being stuck out in the c-c-c-cold doing things like clearing windows. No wonder it was an explosive sitchie! Hmm, I wonder how much longer I can get by with strapping my guy in to the car seat first thing so that he is a prisoner? Hee hee-seeing as how he is almost 5 and getting close to booster size, not much longer.
Sorry about the stress, darlin', but Oh what a prrrrecious smile she gave you to make up! And I just love the way you write, you capture it all perfectly and totally crack me up. Like you said ... We rock! Hee hee. Muah!

Janie B said...

Hilarious post. Been there myself a long time ago when my girls were little. You think you will explode with anger, but you don't. Good mommy skills. Gold stars for you, kid.

Matty said...

It's like they're two different people. The devil and the angel. I can only imagine this scene and your total frustration.

Her non-stop talking reminds me of my wife.

Amo said...

I might have gone over the edge with that one. My son can't talk yet (he is 15 months), but he knows what he wants, so he just whines all the time in order to get it. It gets under my skin and makes me want to scream and run into oncoming traffic. It is horrible!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And the thing is, he has done it since day one. Since the day we brought him home from the hospital, he has done this whining, grunting thing which sends my anxiety through the roof. I really hope when he starts talking it will stop. Sounds like you had a rough night, but you made it through! Go eat those cookies! You deserve them!

The girl with the flour in her hair said...

Oh, I've been there. But I did laugh. It's always nice to know that you're not alone. :)

A few days ago, Nick called me a chicken-butt-crap-head. Oh, and my daughter hates me.

God, I love my kids.

kel said...

LOL! I'm a so laughing at this!! My daughter called my bluff with the whole "calling santa" thing last year. I called my friend and I said "Mrs. claus.. can I speak to santa, please?" and she totally knew what to do. She put her hubby on the phone and he talked to her. Thank God for best friends not even questioning my calling them at ten oclock at night to talk to "santa".

SAHM-I-AM said...

Meltdowns suck. Kids can bring you to the edge of both extremes can't they. You're definitely not alone in your thoughts. Extremely funny post.