Sunday, January 3

Sunday Rerun ~ Six Dollar Breakdown

I'm totally slacking off today,
and seeings how I've decided that the New Year isn't going to officially begin until Monday, I think it is perfectly acceptable to be lazy one more day.

So, here it is... after numerous comments, and  requests from several readers (and one in particular), I am re-posting my infamous meltdown in the hospital parkade this spring.

Six Dollar Breakdown

Ahhh... the Hospital Parkade. A wonderful place, very convienient.... until you try to leave!

After an exhausting day waiting to see my specialist... Trinity by my side, we're both tired and hungry... it went something like this ~

3:00 ~ Take my ticket to the booth on level 4 (have to pay first before leaving) . Cant find "bank card"... searching, searching - nope.

Tell attendant that I have to go to my car to get my "BANK CARD". She says she will keep the ticket till I get back. I say "okay". We are parked on level 2 - at the END of the parkade ( furthest spot you can get from the door) We take the stairs - a healthy choice.

3:07 ~ back to the booth. Wait in big line up. Get to window.... SAME GIRL says to me as I hand her said "BANK CARD".... "oh sorry, we don't take interact"  She smiles ~ I did not. She then suggests that I use the atm in the hospital to get cash (this idea apparently escaped at our first meeting) Nevertheless,  this pisses me off, but I say nothing. She says she will keep my ticket until I get back.  I say, "okay".....and head back to the hospital.

3:12 ~ arrive at Hospital ATM. Security guard, ATM dude stare blankly at the open metal box. Machine is not working. I ask if there is another one... "I dunno" is the only reply. I bit my top lip. Trinity starts in AGAIN about how "super hungry she is"... we had just waited 2 hours to see my specialist. I tell her to wait for a bit.. I ask Information Booth lady if there is another machine .... she simply says..." nope" then goes back to talking to her friend. I rolled my eyes at her, and she says to ME...... "you're welcome" with a sneer. I point to her and say.... " YA KNOW WHAT???? TODAY IS NOT THE DAY" and stomp away.

3:17 ~ Back in line at pay booth. My turn. I explain the machine is not working. SAME GIRL says.... "if you have your driver's licence, I can write you a ticket and you have 5 days to pay"
..... MY DRIVERS LICENCE IS IN MY FUCKING CAR!!!!!!! I choose not to say this to her.
Instead, I simply say 'we'll be back'

Off we go, back to the car. We, again, take the stairs - healthy and all. As we are walking Trinity trips and falls, hurting her foot. It's bruises instantly and she is wailing. I pick her up with one good arm and attempt to carry her the rest of the way..... she is being very brave. We get to the car ~ I decide to search my purse and ashtray and manage to scrounge up the 6 bucks I need to get the hell out of there. I mean, sticky nickels and dimes, I did not care. .... we drive to level 4, find a parking spot nice and close... go back to the booth.

3:23 ~ Wait in line, .... again. SAME GIRL. I give her my money. She gives me my validated ticket. All is good. "Yay, Mommy"

3:25 ~ drive to exit. Insert ticket into booth. Nothing happens.... SAYS I STILL OWE $1.50. WONT RAISE THE BAR, WONT GIVE ME BACK MY TICKET. Push "HELP" button ..... dial tone... then, busy signal.

3:26 ~ left eye starts to twitch.

3:37 ~ I bang my head against the steering wheel a few times, then back out of the lane... and start screeching through circling the parkade for another spot so I can return to my new friend at the pay booth. Trinity is hysterical at this point, thinking we are trapped in there "FOREVER"... I try to remain calm as we stand in line.

3:29 ~ get to window. SAME GIRL. She looks at me funny... I tell her the ticket isn't working and the arm wont come up. She suggests that I try the other machine, 2 levels down - and if it doesnt work there, that I should press the help button !!!!!!

3;30 I feel my knees lock, my nostrils flare.... I say "Um.. nooooo. I no longer have the ticket. It wouldn't give it back." She says... "oh, well that's probably because you ran out of time since I validated it. It only gives you 10 min, and that was a half and hour ago." I finally let 'er rip, and say "I FUCKING KNOW THAT...."

3:32 ~Sensing that I am annoyed at this point, her supervisor comes over (finally - asshole) and gives her a special card. He tells her to follow my car to the machine and override the arm so I can leave.


..... Sometime around 4;00, while driving on the deerfoot I start to shake. Left eye starts twitching again. Pain in chest. Pull car over and cry. Update facebook status, cause that was the important thing to do.... have mild breakdown, then took trinity for Pizza.

Good times....


Brian Miller said...

i may have broke something...hurt myself in the process and added a whole other element to th story...i am laughing with you, right?

Christine said...

Too funny! I can imagine your trek back and forth to the car, kid in tow, and feel like you handled it soooo much better than me. Seriously you only said 'fuck' like twice:)

Amy said...

This was so funny. Sorry it happen to you..

Terena said...

I know this was completely awful in ever sense of the word, but OMG this was hysterical reading.

I love how helpful hospital staff can be, don't you? I think there's a special school for not-helping-customers.

Thank you for coming to my blog and for your nice comments. :-)

otin said...

We all have those days, weeks, months, years, ah, shit, I might as well just say it, that sounds like my life! lol

I hope that is not an every day type occurrence for you!?

EcoMeg said...

I have given you an award! Please visit my site to collect it.

Have a great day!


PS - I would have pulled over to cry, too. And then ate pizza :)

magda said...

This one shall never tire or expire. You know, one of the reasons I love it sooo much is because I found a link to it on Nancy's blog which is what brought me to you....and thus our immense and immeasurable connection. I heart you!! This needs to be a scene in a movie or it could be a movie all by itself. You could be played by Courtney Cox(She might almost be good enough) and Trinity will star as herself. Any suggestions for who might be able to fulfill the depths of these roles?

Matty said...

What an ordeal! You showed restraint much longer than I would have.

Becca said...

I am a first time visitor and I am so happy that you are having a lazy day. I really enjoyed reading your story. Not because I am a nasty person but because it is my life. That would happen to me. I can completely relate. I am excited that I found your site. I will be back.


Please visit me at

Lori E said...

She says... "oh, well that's probably because you ran out of time since I validated it. It only gives you 10 min, and that was a half and hour ago."

No shit Sherlock!
Some days are such a test. Some days are just a big fail.

magda said...

seriously, i just read it again and am laughing no less hard than the first time. i think i will memorize it...very purposeful use of time and brain cells.

Maven said...

Bwa ha ha ha ha!!! Like Brian above, I'm laughing with you. And I'm with Christine, you deserve an award just for composure alone!!

Amo said...

I got anxiety reading this story. I would have lost it too. Probably sooner than you did. And that girl who rolled her eyes at you deserved a lot more than just a finger pointing. But, I know you had your daughter with you and had to set a good example...but she deserved an ass-beating.

Clueless_Mama said...

I swear these are the kind of days that you just want to scream WHY ME?? That was incredibly funny, though I am sure not at the time!!

kel said...

Too stinking funny!!!!!

blueviolet said...

Oh my hell. What??? How could a series of calamities all line up like that against you? Hysterically funny now. I emphasize the word "now".

kys said...

So glad you remembered to update your FB status.

I'm not laughing AT you, I' lauging with you.

magda said...

shackled you with another award. come get it. i heart you bad.