Saturday, March 13

"Not Me" For the Month of March So Far, Up to and Including Today

Considering this is my most favorite kind of post,
I figured I had some catching up to do since the last one.
Maybe we'll call it
  "Not Me" For the Month of March So Far, Up to and Including Today

1. (a) Did not make the mistake of giving my child candy after school, then take her to Dollarama.

    (b) Did not lose my cool in aisle 7, and tell her to stop calling me "mommy"

    (c) Did not say to her in a rude tone, "For the last time, GET UP OFF THE FLOOR.  Why do I have to ALWAYS say it more than once, with you today??? 
        This was not followed simultaneously by bumping into her kindergarten teacher.  A shining moment. 

2.  Did not (again) buy a large bag of gummy worms for Trinity, and eat them all while she was asleep. 

3.  Did not forget garbage day, Library book day, or any other scheduled appointments or responsibilities. 

4.  When awoken at 3 AM by my naked child explaining to me that she had wet the bed, I did not grunt the word, "Meh",  bring her in bed with me, and leave the wet smelly mess until morning. 

5.  I did not dream about my first love six nights in a row, wake up all melancholy and reflective, look him up on facebook, send a friend request, get accepted one day, and deleted by him the next. 

6.  I did not secretly bless this guy,

. . . for allowing me a 20 minute catnap, 3 separate times in one day.  Nope, not me... I would never be one of those moms who stick their child in front of the TV for reasons entirely self-serving.

7.   On my front porch, I do not still have a Christmas lamp post, an Autum silk flower arrangement in a hanging basket, and a giant Easter Bunny sticker on my screen door window.


Christine said...

You seriously are the Best.Mom.Ever.

And my front porch? Finally took down the Christmas lights and trees and garland this past week. I was sick of hearing the song 'redneck woman' blasting in my head every time I walked outside.

:) Missed you!!

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom said...

It's so funny that I didn't bake the kids a cake to eat while they were sleeping either.

Kmama said...

As annoying as SpongeBob can be, he can also be a life saver sometimes!!

Sounds like an interesting month so far.

mama-face said...

#7. Exactly why I love you.


Rachel said...

I totally heart your blog. You remind me that my mommy meltdowns are normal. Love all the things you didn't do.

Brian Miller said...

i did not get mad that you did not share the gummy love these posts...

otin said...

You know, if you keep stealing all of her candy it is going to be hard to defend you when she calls you a jerk! LMAO!

Matty said...

Your household sounds normal to me. And I am sensing a theme here with the gummy bears.

3LittleMonkeys said... funny!

I did not make a treat for the kids and then eat it myself! I do NOT do this all the time.

gayle said...

So funny!! I could never by Christmas candy or Easter basket stuff until the last minute because I was afraid I would eat it!!

Amy said...

This is way too funny.. Love it.. Have a great weekend.

Lisa said...

Nice to have you back!
Coffee K?
Tuesday hospital for Gig any day before of after is good for me if it is good for you.


Missy said...

I just realized that I have a santa on my front door. We never use the front door as everyone comes through the back. Poor santa!
Love the gummy worms too!

Andrea (ace1028) said...

As expected, I love it. I think I need one of these later today. It's truly cathartic, isn't it?

blueviolet said...

Well, when you said life had gotten in the weren't kidding! That's a lot of life in this blog post and it's funny (to me!)

Arizona Mamma said...

What? Why on earth would he accept then dump a day later? I'm sure that worked wonders for the melancholy mood!

Mrsblogalot said...

Spongebob is my lover.

Christiejolu said...

Dollorama! I want to go there! Sounds like a cool store.

Awe about the first love dream! I had those all the time, until I met up with him again. Long scary story! LOL!

carma said...

are you serious on #5 - I'm bummed for you; maybe it was an accidental deletion - or do you suppose his new lurve made him delete you???

Pink Haired Momma said...

" I did not dream about my first love six nights in a row, wake up all melancholy and reflective, look him up on facebook, send a friend request, get accepted one day, and deleted by him the next."

HAHAHAHA I love it!
oh ps i just put the christmas in the attic this weekend :)

Menopausal New Mom said...

Oh thank you for doing this post to remind me that I'm not alone!

3 Men and a Lady said...

You deleted him?? Why? And if I didn't have a tv I would be nowhere today (except maybe in an institution, lol!)

Stuff could always be worse said...

Glad you did not miss the garbage and bought the candy or did not?

The girl with the flour in her hair said...

I've never done number four either. Never. I've never forgotten about it the next morning and then made my son sleep in it the next night. At least it was dry, right? Good thing I've never done that. That's terrible.

I also never feed my children cinnamon rolls for breakfast and then expected them to act normal on our hour car ride into Denver. Nope. Not me.

Oh. And I didn't just find Nick's school library book. That was due two months ago.

Tracie said...

I did not screech at my child "WHY CAN'T YOU JUST BE NORMAL???!!!??". Cuz you know I'm in the running for Mother of The Year.

magda said...

ok. we are living parallel lives. only yours is way better. when i do finally call you, i might confess my reaction to the recent email via fb from an ex that is STILL soooo hot and was nothing but wonderful. i was just too much of a fuck up to keep it together. hearing from him now as a wife(and still a fuck up)stirred up some feelings i did not want to investigate too much. i think of calling you almost daily, michele. but i can be so all or nothing and it might be the beginning of some serious and incessant stalking...followed by neglect, of course. i ctually think there is only a fine line between stalking and neglect. know what i mean?
love you big!!and miss you sorely.